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Wall Street Insider – Financial News, Headlines, Commentary and Analysis - Hedge Funds, Private Equity, Banks

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  • 05/04/10--08:40: Caption Contest Tuesday
  • [Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty Images] [Cavorting at a Bloomberg cocktail party before the White House Correspondents' Dinner]

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    Tags: Caption Contest, Carlyle Group, chatting about New York state pensions, David Rubenstein, please don't forward to Cuomo, steve rattner


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    Jimmy Lee, JPMorgan’s legendary dealmaker, just finished up CNBC’s new show, Strategy Session. Not only did he say the credit markets “are wide open,” but up to $10 billion in debt is now available for an LBO, provided it sits on top of about $5 billion in equity and is, of course, the right kind of company.

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    Tags: Carlyle Group, credit markets, David Rubenstein, dealmakers, General Motors IPO, Jimmy Lee, JPMorgan, LBOs, Private Equity


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    If you love a good conspiracy theory but find Ron Paul’s and Rick Perry’s calls to kill Ben Bernanke for counterfeiting a little played out, do we have some good news for you. The Carlyle Group, a mild mannered private equity firm by day that at night transforms into an evil conspiracy among George Bush,…

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    Tags: 2 and 20, Carlyle Group, conspiracy theories, David Rubenstein, Private Equity


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    Eeevil conspiracy theory source The Carlyle Group filed for its IPO today, which makes sense because the best time to file for an IPO is during a global financial meltdown (better than filing in normal times and launching your roadshow into a meltdown, or not). The not so great news: they’re too private equity-y for…

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    Tags: Carlyle Group, charts, Private Equity


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    Okay so you’re a private equity fund and you’ve filed to go public. GOTCHA: Q. You tout the managerial-discipline, incentive-alignment and cost-saving benefits of taking companies out of the public equity markets. Yet you’re going public with your own company. Aren’t you just obviously destroying value to top-tick the market??? A. No, no, it’s not…

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    Tags: Carlyle Group, IPOs, Private Equity, shareholder lawsuits


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    Are your pants getting a little tight? Have you become convinced mirrors have a personal vendetta against you? Are you too distracted by the rolls spilling over your pants to trade? Do you find yourself veering off course in your letters to investors to talk about your love handles? Is it only a matter of time before you lose your firm billions and/or take down the entire market because your fingers are so big they span four keys each on the keyboard? Do you want to do something about it but are repulsed by the idea of healthy eating and exercise and also know yourself well enough to realize that there is no way you’re going to be able to stay strong if everyone around you is eating delicious fried food at lunch and sooner or later you, a usually pretty mild-mannered guy, will be leaping across a row of Bloomberg terminals and threatening to kill a coworker (and meaning it) unless he hands over Ho Ho now? Then round up your tubbiest colleagues and tell them they’re in for a real treat.

    Eric Helms, who founded the four-year-old Cooler Cleanse company with the actress Salma Hayek, says office cleansers now make up 30 percent of his business, and in the last year he has hired three customer-service employees just to handle the details of them. He said there has been a “huge increase in popularity” of cleansing with co-workers in the last year, which he credits to juice diets being more mainstream. “Everyone knows someone who’s done one, and they realize they’re a lot easier to do with colleagues during the workweek,” he said. “People want to indulge” — not sip celery — “on weekends.”

    Recent six-juice-a-day-dieters include employees at Merrill Lynch and the Carlyle Group, she said. In May, Citigroup began offering BluePrintCleanse in some of its Manhattan cafeterias, a spokeswoman said…About two-thirds of cleanse clients over all are women, but corporate cleanses “commonly skew toward men, especially traders, investment bankers and lawyers,” said Jina Wye, director of sales and marketing for BluePrintCleanse, founded in 2007 by two former Hudson Hotel bartenders looking to swap their poisons. (Mr. Helms said 90 percent of his male customers are part of groups.) Ms. Wye said: “These Type-A men have an all-or-none perspective. If they’re going to commit, they do it whole hog.” Most popular among male en masse cleansers: the Excavation cleanse, described on the Web site as “the most intense.”

    And if you want to really crank things up a notch, consider gauging interest in a group colonic to top things off.

    Cleansing From Cubicle To Cubicle [NYT]
    Related: I’m afraid I might tell her to buy a gun and just shoot me before the fat and the cellulite strike again.

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    Tags: BluePrintCleanse, Carlyle Group, Citigroup, competitive dieting, crash diets, Excavation cleanse, I'll try anything once, juice fasts, Merrill Lynch, moral support, trends, whole hog


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    David Rubenstein is always being photographed villainously but doesn't he actually look pretty jolly?

    “Hedge funds and private equity funds are secretive pools of capital blah blah blah,” people always say, and there’s some truth to that. But it’s partly true partly because a certain discretion is required by law. Banging on publicly about how awesome your hedge fund is could be taken as a “general solicitation” for investors,…

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    Tags: 401(k)s, Carlyle Group, Central Park Advisers, Private Equity


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    If you had John Stumpf in the office “highest-paid U.S. bank CEO for 2012″ pool, congratulations.

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    Tags: Carlyle Group, Compensation, Daniel D'Aniello, David Rubenstein, dividends, John Stumpf, one-upsmanship, Wells Fargo, William Conway


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    Add a copy of a 237-year-old newspaper to the precious historical documents to be pried from the Carlyle Group CEO’s cold, dead hands. The chief executive of U.S. private equity giant Carlyle Group bought a copy of the first newspaper printing of the U.S. Declaration of Independence for a record $632,500 on Tuesday, adding to…

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    Tags: Carlyle Group, David Rubenstein, how the other half celebrates the Fourth of July, necrophilanthropy


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    Or Wall Street, at least: So sayeth Duke poli. sci. alum David Rubenstein, who is apparently bored to tears by all of you Wharton B.S.s and math majors, what with your inability to think critically or quote Rousseau. Speaking on a panel at the World Economic Forum, Mr. Rubenstein, the co-chairman of the private equity…

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    Tags: Carlyle Group, David Rubenstein, Davos, humanities, If I have to listen to one more goddamned finance major..., It's less boring and more highly remunerative eventually!, nightcaps, party, The Mooch does not disappoint


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    William Conway was handsomely rewarded for having quantitatively more faith in his firm’s products than David Rubenstein and Daniel D’Aniello combined. The three founders— William E. Conway Jr. , Daniel A. D’Aniello and David M. Rubenstein—each took home $92.6 million in dividends and $281,375 in base salary and other compensation…. Mr. Conway pulled in $252.8…

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    Tags: bonuses, Carlyle Group, Daniel D'Aniello, David Rubenstein, William Conway


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    This may be a miscalculation. Carlyle announced that Michael J. Cavanagh, one of the co-leaders of JPMorgan Chase’s huge investment bank, would leave to become its co-president. In the newly created role, Mr. Cavanagh, 48, will share responsibilities with Glenn A. Youngkin, 47, an insider who has spent nearly two decades at Carlyle. Mr. Cavanagh’s…

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    Tags: Carlyle Group, JPMorgan Chase, Mike Cavanaugh, succession bets


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    The Carlyle Group co-founder is a man of refinement and taste who is more or less single-handedly preserving America’s cultural heritage, such as it is. But assuming Warren Buffett’s glittering eyes were pointed in his direction when he compared Berkshire Hathaway to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and others as “porn shop owners” who will […]

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    It's time for traffic problems in fundraising land.

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    It's mulling over the idea of shutting down it's $4bn credit fund.

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    David Rubenstein will not be joining your Chinese economy support group.

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    Bill Conway knows what we're talking about.

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    The apple falls approximately 230 miles from the tree.

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    David Rubenstein is cowering before a 'roided-out US dollar.

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    “Hedge funds and private equity funds are secretive pools of capital blah blah blah,” people […]

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